Ask Sandy


Dear Sandy,
Can you tell me if I am responsible for my girlfriend, Wendy, getting sick? I am wondering if she is doing this, on some level, to get back at me for something I did, am doing or maybe haven’t done. Or is this just my imagination?

Edwin, Canoga Park

Dear Edwin,
I’m going to be blunt: you and Wendy mirror one another. You both are lost emotionally, and have tremendous fear. You feel you have no real purpose in life, and Wendy wants to depend on you for emotional support to make her feel safe in the world. You are looking for the same in her.
It is like two starving people looking at each other for food and sustenance to fuel and support their bodies but there isn’t any to give. Getting sick is Wendy’s wake-up call. You had nothing to do with her getting sick. She has not emotionally, physically or spiritually taken care of herself, nor does she know how. Wendy also needs to stop drinking, and get herself into a program. She needs to find herself, and, for her, that is not an easy task. She carries a lot of guilt, to which she continues to add. But more pressing, since you are the one contacting me, is that this reading really applies to you, too. You’re fatigued because you’re depressed, defeated and bored with life. It’s one reason why you and Wendy feel you have no purpose—you don’t like life! You should find something to sustain you. A program such as AA is a good way to begin. Just take the first step, and the rest will follow. Even if you do not want to go, or you are tired, push yourself to go anyway. Joining a program first will help. In fact, the best way to help Wendy is to take care of yourself.
Once you’re involved in a program, your relationship will get better because you will feel better, be happier and have more to give. It is in the giving that you will receive because the two run hand in hand.

Best wishes to the two of you,
Sandy Smith

Dear Sandy,
Can you tell me why I’m not sleeping well? Last work week I averaged only three hours of sleep per night. For this week, through Wednesday, I’ve averaged one and a half hours of sleep! I’m not taking sleeping pills anymore because I don’t want to be messed up when I get up in the morning for work—they hadn’t been working anyway. I was taking up to six of them a night just to get some sleep. It doesn’t matter if I work hard at my job or if I do nothing there… it’s always the same. Night after night I lay awake in bed trying to fall asleep. The hours just keep passing, without the benefit of sleep.

Please help!
Andy, North Hollywood

I know I don’t need to tell you that taking that many sleeping pills was dangerous. I’m happy to hear you changed that pattern on your own.
You are having difficulty sleeping because you’re not happy, you’re bored and you worry too much. Go out on your time off from work: go to the gym or do some physical exercise such as walking or biking, something to assist in releasing your stress. Exercising will help you to relax your body and your mind. You have a tendency to hold everything inside. The exercising will allow you to release pent-up negative energy, and feelings you are holding in your body. This negative energy can be from past situations or picked up daily from current experiences. Moving your body will release the negative energy, and increase your energy level, so you will have energy to go out, and do some of the things you should be doing.
Once you have built your energy level back up, look into an activity that will stimulate your mind in a positive way. You might consider taking a class or joining a group… or both! Your mind needs to stay busy with positive stimuli or, because it needs stimulation, it will create destructive thoughts to keep it busy. Taking a class and getting involved will keep your thoughts positive, make you feel good and help you with the boredom you are experiencing.
Finally, eat lighter before bed. I’m sensing that your body feels heavier at bedtime. If you eat lighter foods (fish, chicken, fruits vegetables) before you go to bed, your body will not have to work as hard to digest what you have eaten.
It is important that you achieve all three of the above: exercising your body, exercising your mind and taking up an activity as a positive outlet. This work will require discipline on your part, to shift your routine, to get the proper rest and to feel better, so you may become optimistic and enjoy your life.

Blessings to you,
Sandy Smith

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