Comedian Steve Cooper.

I’m very pleased to be writing a column for The Tolucan Times – it’s something to be thankful for. Many of us stress about everything everyday, when we should appreciate the smaller things in life and be thankful for the good. So here are some things I am thankful for:

I am thankful that even though I’m bald, my head looks good when I buzz it. I am glad that I don’t have a cantaloupe-looking dome with bumps and veins all over it. (However, I’m not always happy about looking like a young Uncle Junior from The Sopranos, a mixture of Paul Schaeffer and Larry David or the Six Flags guy.)

I am thankful that my parents taught me about art when I was younger. I know Degas paints ballerinas, Dali was a surrealist and Kandinsky used geometrics in his art. Oh, and I am glad that I don’t pretend that I know about art. (I hate the guy who raves about Monet at a party. Monet? You are a man! Hell, Trix are for kids and water lilies are for women!)

I am thankful that even though my legs are skinny, I look all right in shorts. I would hate to be that guy that should never wear shorts, but still does. I don’t need to see chubby, pale, tree trunk legs! Oh and while you’re at it, lose the Hawaiian shirt. (They should only be worn at a Jimmy Buffet concert, or if you reside in either Hawaii or Florida. I know you are on vacation in California, but when it is November, you need to get a clue!)

I am thankful that my close friends have nicer and bigger cars than me. Because that means I never have to be the Designated Driver or have to worry about driving while intoxicated. So thank you my BMW and Infiniti owning friends. You have saved me having to do a field sobriety test…again!

I am thankful that my parents stressed for me to get an education and follow my dreams. I would hate to be living in a trailer park and eating Spam and Velveeta every night with five inbred children. I am also glad that I am not married to a pregnant Carny who is about to give birth during her shift running the tilt-a-whirl!

I am thankful that I have a lot of friends. I would hate to be that creepy, lonely guy at the bar that strikes up a conversation with you and then really annoys you ten seconds later. I am also glad I am not lonely like that old man in the Pet Smart commercials. (You know — the one who is on the bus stop in the rain on Christmas and then gets home and his only company is his dog.)

I am thankful that I know how to give a compliment and enjoy doing it. I would hate to be the guy who gives a compliment and it comes across insincere, perverted, creepy or like you are just trying to get a date! Of course if the latter happens because of the compliments, I am not going to complain!

And I am very thankful if you are reading this and enjoying it. Always remember, it is the little things in life that can be special. 

Steve Cooper hosts the radio show “CooperTalk” on Wednesdays at 4 p.m. (replayed on Thursdays at 6 p.m.) on You can follow him at or  

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