I Humbly Apologize

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Over the course of entertainment there have been some pretty major gaffes made by simple humans that have resulted in… well, nothing of any great consequence to the Earth’s rotation but still… a gaffe is a gaffe.

For instance, who came up with the idea to cancel Star Trek? Who greenlit Showgirls? Who keeps hiring Michael Bay? And last but certainly most these days; why did we ever trade in all of our variety for so much “reality.”

Okay I admit, not a fan of the reality show. Still like Star Trek, am baffled by Showgirls, and I could happily avoid Michael Bay anytime I desire, which is always. However, for today I want to man up to my own entertainment gaffes.

I can’t act. Sorry for to those who thought I could and was perfect for the role.

Okay, but that is not so much a gaffe as it is fact. However if you cast me… that is your gaffe. Today nevertheless I have come to admit my gaffes and apologize to a couple of very fine people.

Ellen DeGeneres, you out there? I owe you an apology. Now I will admit to not being a very big American Idle fan (I mean American Idol – sorry for the momentary review). My beautiful wife, however, is, and so every week while I humbly play on the computer I overhear most of the show anyway. And when I heard that you were going to be the next judge on American Idol I said to my wife, “Seriously”?

Now I enjoy your work Ellen, very much in fact. I have enjoyed your comedy, my wife and I danced with you during your show long before the audience did, and I am still working on getting you an Oscar for your work on Nemo. However, when I heard that you were going to be a judge my judgment kicked in. What could you possibly bring to the musicality of the show?

Well, it turns that as usual you bring a light to the stage. You have been warm and welcoming. Your humor has humanized the panel, lightened “judgment time” and brought a unique insight into the evaluations as you have taken the show as serious as it deserves while not swamping the audience with nothing but the serious. Most of all you have an ear for music and you can evaluate it. I for one am impressed and so I apologize for ever doubting what you would bring.

Okay, so while we are on apologies would someone please tell Cher that I am on the line. I’ll hold.

Cher, I owe you an apology as well. I watched you on the Sonny and Cher show. Too young to appreciate fully everything before me I none the less was observant of the fun stuff that seemed silly, not understanding that good silly takes good talent.

Thus on a clear day (it may have been cloudy, what’s the difference I was in a movie theater) I watched a preview for the film Silkwood. After a nicely put together preview the important voice of the announcer came on with the roll call of performers and of course we all heard “Meryl Streep.” And then in the same important tone we heard “Cher.” Okay, the audience laughed, and so did this 24-year-old full of himself audience member. I felt like I was part of the “in crowd” who backed up one another’s laughter with commentary that made each of us a Siskel and or Ebert.

So Cher, my apologies to you. You put us all in our place and showed me and the rest of us what a great actress you are. I should only have a fraction of your talent before the camera. I was wrong to laugh and you have made that clear every time you get before the lens.

I have a saying I use often that goes observation then conclusion. Periodically I have to remind myself of this. As an audience we demand much for our buck. And we should, it’s a lot of bucks in play these days. And to that end there are performers today that are not afraid to step out of my comfort factor and take the risk to show me just how much talent they can give me for my buck. Now, no rule says I have to watch them but perhaps we can afford a rule that says that I should before commenting.

Lloyd E. Flyer is a freelance writer and may be contacted through “The Tolucan Times” or at Alternateangle@pacbell.net

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