The president’s son Barron is moving into the White House. Now Donald has someone to play with….
The Washington Post reports that a special counsel is investigating the president for obstruction of justice. At the same time, Mike Pence was heard singing the theme to The Jeffersons….
In a non-binding referendum, Puerto Rico votes to become the 51st state. If Congress agrees, it will be known as the Bronx….
You know, I had to turn off the Jeff Sessions hearing. I couldn’t take it anymore. I heard the word “recall” so often I thought he was a Chrysler….
18 tons of seized cocaine was offloaded in San Diego Thursday, the U.S. Coast Guard reports. Now you know why they call it the “high seas”….
Amazon buys Whole Foods for $13 billion dollars. Or one shopping spree there…..
Woman tells police she shoplifted because she was “studying kleptomania.” What an idiot. Doesn’t she know it would be easier to steal jokes and claim you’re Amy Schumer….
A new study says if you want to be happy you need seven hours of sleep. Or you can just have your kids move out of the house….
Forty eight percent of Americans aren’t sure where chocolate milk comes from, while seven percent thinks it comes from brown cows — necessitating the “got milk?” slogan to accurately be renamed, “got brains?”
NBA Hall of Famer Dennis Rodman traveled to North Korea. Brilliant! They shoot ICBM’s, we retaliate with a guy who shoots three pointers….
Dutch fishermen discover world’s first two-headed porpoise. Naturally they split it….
Fox News is dropping its “Fair & Balanced” slogan. They will now use “Dumb and Dumber”….
Bill Cosby jury deadlocked. No, drugged….
About Adam West, they say the late Batman star had sex with eight women a night. Now you know why it was called the “Batpole”….
On Sunday we celebrated Father’s Day. As it’s known in my house, “Old Spice Refill Day”….
You know, I can remember my first paternity test, I mean Father’s Day….
And it’s amazing — after all the cards and phone calls wishing me a happy Father’s Day, the dinner was still on me!
Howie Fox resides in New York, though his mind can often be found in the gutter. He writes for comedians when not kvetching. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.