President Trump says FEMA is ready for a fast clean up after Hurricane Florence — as long as they have Bounty paper towels in stock….
FEMA to test “Presidential Alert” system on our cell phones. You’ll know when it’s from him when you see paper towels on your phone….
Bob Woodward claims he has Donald Trump book interview tapes and will release them if challenged. That is unless Rosemary Woods got her hands on it first….
Vice President Pence says he’d take a lie detector test to prove he’s not “Anonymous”—the N.Y. Times editorial writer. When Trump got wind of this, he said “Who?”….
A Russian Miss Hitler beauty pageant for female Neo-Nazis was recently held. Winner gets cyanide and an all-expense paid trip to a bunker….
Big package of marijuana washes up on Florida beach. It arrived during high tide….
And speaking of marijuana, many California marijuana products are failing safety tests. Naturally, this was a joint effort by researchers….
HBO’s new boss disses Netflix as “the Walmart” of streaming. Walmart tells Netflix to chill….
Les Moonves leaves CBS, denies new report of sexual misconduct. Harvey Weinstein asks for his plants….
Howie Fox resides in New York, though his mind can often be found in the gutter. He writes for comedians when not kvetching. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.