Donald Trump calls Kim Jong-Un “Rocket Man.” As opposed to Melania who calls Donald “Minute Man”….
Congress passed a resolution calling on President Trump to condemn hate groups. That’s like asking Chris Christie to turn down a snack….
Donald Trump let an 11-year- old mow the White House lawn. He then made the kid do his job and cut taxes for the rich….
Miss Texas tears into Trump in a blistering 15-second takedown on live TV. But unfortunately, loses pageant due to being a spazz at baton twirling….
The White House was locked down earlier in the week because of yoga mat. C’mon, that’s a stretch….
Steve Bannon declared he is absolutely going to war with GOP leaders — with or without the Grand Wizard’s permission….
Donald Trump just received his DNA test back from Ancestry.com. Turns out he was made in China….
Target says they will fill 100,000 seasonal jobs. Expect Donald Trump to take credit. Not for the jobs. For Christmas….
Homeless man arrested dangling child off fire escape. He’s been charged with impersonating Michael Jackson….
Chelsea Manning named visiting fellow at Harvard. Fellow — boy, will they be shocked!….
Apple unveiled the iPhone X. It costs $1,000 and includes face recognition technology. Stevie Wonder says he’ll pass….
Olive Garden brings back the pasta pass. For one price, you can eat all the pasta you want. In other news, Imodium’s stock skyrockets….
The World Clown Association issues statement to fight against negative stigma after release of hit movie “It.” They remind people of all the good work they do in congress….
Doctors claim sitting is the new smoking. Great. Now I’ll have to buy an asstray….
Cybersecurity researcher warns that future sex robots could kill users if hacked. Yeah, because no one wants to become another Nelson Rockefeller….
Pluto has been official reclassified as a planet. Disney protests….
Cosmopolitan has invented a “car for women.” It comes with a male driver who doesn’t mind if you ask for directions…
The Cleveland Indians have broken an A.L. record winning 22 consecutive games. It’s the longest streak seen since the ’74 Oscars….
Howie Fox resides in New York, though his mind can often be found in the gutter. He writes for comedians when not kvetching. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.