Donald Trump loses to “The Silence Breakers” behind #MeToo as Time’s Person of the Year. Not to worry. He did come in first place in this year’s Orange Julius lookalike contest….
Last week, Trump slurred his speech so bad, they had to ask Sean Connery to translate….
A new report says the White House is infested with vermin. Exterminators were deemed too expensive, so they went out and got the next best thing – Robert Mueller….
Supreme Court is deeply divided over a gay wedding cake. I don’t know about you, but it sounds like the court goes both ways….
Al Franken resigns from Senate over sexual misconduct allegations. It would have been smarter if he just changed parties…
And what’s all this about Net Neutrality? I always thought Net Neutrality was a requirement of the ball boys at Wimbledon….
Woman claims she’s had sex with 20 ghosts. And says she’ll continue to screw them sight unseen….
Human feet have washed up on beach in Pacific Northwest. Cops are on lookout for a man named Stumpy….
500 people aboard two Royal Caribbean cruises fell sick. Carnival Cruises gives big sigh of relief….Spirit Airlines boots breast-feeding woman from plane. Kid forced to wait to join mile high club….
Woman says she was severely burned by cell phone case. You think that’s bad? Just wait till she gets burned by the price of the new iPhone….
Opossum breaks into liquor store, drinks cognac. Police were skeptical at first, until they saw the proof. But I wanna tell ya…
The IOC has banned Russia from competing in the 2018 Winter Olympics for doping. But they will be allowed to participate in the U.S. elections….
A hospital in India fired two doctors after a dead baby wakes up on the way to the funeral. Seems doctors were dead wrong….
It’s reported that the U.S. has a microwave weapon that could fry North Korean missile controls. If not, they’ll have their first hot cooked meal….
Woman accuses Dustin Hoffman of groping her. He claims Mrs. Robinson was asking for it….
I tell ya, if I ever sexually harass someone, it’s because I’m running for public office….
John Stamos to finally be dad at 54. Wife carrying a Full House….Celebrity chef Mario Batali accused of sexual harassment. He claims it was just a sausage….
Last week would have been Walt Disney’s 116th birthday. In fact, he’s been dead so long he’s developed a bad case of freezer burn….
Long Island Medium’s Theresa Caputo and husband of 28 years split. Now that he’s effectively dead to her, I bet they now speak….Disney to buy Fox. Now Fox News will be “fair and rebalanced”….
World’s first text message was sent 25 years ago today, as well the first “WTF” response….
Before I forget — I just want to take a moment to wish a Happy Hanukkah to Roy Moore’s attorney….Oh! And a reminder: if you give your Hanukkah menorah Viagra and the candles burn more than eight nights, call your rabbi…
Howie Fox resides in New York, though his mind can often be found in the gutter. He writes for comedians when not kvetching. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.