As a writer I like exposure. It’s not just an ego thing (okay, a small ego thing) but no one is really a writer unless there is a reader to balance the equation. Let’s face it; we all like our own opinions on things. Sure, we sometimes change our minds, but for the most part, if we think it, it’s because it fits our philosophies, and if we say it out loud then we do so because our intention is to be heard. True, there are those who talk out loud all day. We used to place them into 72-hour involuntary holds. Now Verizon just sends them a bill. Times, they are a-changin’ – but I undress. (Notice how cleverly I am bringing us back to exposure.)
It is not beyond every writer to go to publishers to say “Please sir, may I be read some more?” The fancy word for it is “syndication,” or a better term would be “employment.” But I am starting to undress again since what I am talking about is numbers, and for a writer, the more the merrier.
So the problem becomes how to get status. How to get big. How to get the kind of exposure that is nationwide. Now I am very proud to say that “Alternate Angle” has gotten mail from one coast of our nation to the other and areas in between. (And not just the political stuff – okay, mostly the political stuff). But still ask the average New Yorker (Virginian, Floridian, New Hamshire-idian) about this column and they just might not know what you are talking about. So, how do I grab the Tiger by the tail? The tiger by the tail…the tiger by the… wait —- I know exactly how to cash in and get everyone talking about me. Of course, it’s so simple. It’s everywhere. It’s instant, it’s immediate, and it’s foolproof. All I have to do is cheat on my wife, go to “Cheater’s Anonymous” un-anonymously, and then hold a news conference the day I go back to writing.
By now if you have not heard the long, long tale of Tiger Woods and the “tail” (okay, too obvious, too crude – moving on) of his marriage, etc., then you have been… well where have you been? Because I would like to know. I can’t get away from this thing that is none of my business, that I could not care less about, that I avoid like the plague and that when all is said and done, is still none of my business. Of course I realize this makes me a Communist or worse, but I don’t care either. However I can’t argue with the exposure.
The other week Mr. Woods returned to the links. Of course this meant a press conference. Now here is where I realize that if you want to be seen, be seen with someone other than your wife. For that conference and on a day of huge news regarding life, death, war and hate, we were exposed instead to an hour of live redemption in a mea culpa press conference simulcast on CBS, KTLA, ABC, Fox Network, The T.V. Guide Channel, CNN, CNN Headline News, Fox News, CNBC, MSNBC, FOX Sports Network, ESPN Sports, the Golf Channel, while ironically NBC’s Access Hollywood featured a Celebrity Golf Tournament that Mr. Tiger Woods did not attend. And not to be outdone even Nickelodeon Tunes could not have timed better their children’s programming – “El Tigre.”
Of course while this is taking place we are being treated to Breaking News. To keep us informed of real news you say? Nope! Try “I missed my son’s first birthday while in rehab and that really hurt a lot.” Now dismissing the fact that this is past tense and therefore not really “breaking news” – do I really need to point out that this is not really news at all?
I am not really going to cheat on my wife any more than I want to hear again about the tales of the Mr. Wood’s misplaced “Titleists.” Still, if some day you hear about me on CNN, please let it be because I’m in a celebrity golf tournament and not because I swung my club into the rough.
Lloyd E. Flyer is a freelance writer and may be contacted through “The Tolucan Times” or at Alternateangle@pacbell.net