My Unwelcome Mat


One of the nice things about having the opportunity to write a column, besides the contribution I have no doubt made to birdcages throughout the Valley, is that I get to express my opinions to the public, and although I try not to be a kvetch, I’m not above it either. In case you are not sure, the word “kvetch” is not a dirty word, I would not spring that on you uninvited.
Funny that I should bring “springing things on you uninvited” to your attention, it’s crucial to the discussion. First, let me forewarn the reader. My “kvetching” is about offensive language, and, where as I would never use it in this column, the words “intent d’arte” will be clear. I’ll certainly keep it decent, but all the same, be sure to read it through and then decide if it is appropriate for the younger birds in that cage.
Now some of you might be asking, “Is young Mr. Flyer becoming a prude as he gets to be older Mr. Flyer?” (Turning 50 next month; AARP is after me; panic setting in.) No, I assure you I am most certainly not. I, along with my wife, enjoy all the thrills that the occasional use of less-than the Queen’s English brings. (Although I am sure that the Queen rips a good one now and then but with those darling accents, who notices?) I enjoy my wife’s subscription to Playboy Magazine (yes, the wife’s subscription), and I even look at the pictures, although only after I have checked out the comics (Man, am I married or what?) I enjoy “South Park,” Kid Rock and a trip with the Mrs. to Victoria’s Secret give me all sorts of ideas, most of which are not appropriate for your young bird, and so won’t be mentioned here.
Okay, so far, we have established that the Marquis de Sade would ask me to lighten up, so what’s my beef? Well, it’s this. Have you caught the latest, and far from greatest, advertising for Fox TV’s morning shows? If you have then you are aware that we are currently being treated to the song “Gravity” by Nico Vega. As images of the morning personalities flash across the screen, the song basically flips the bird at the viewers and includes the following, very noticeable, lyrics: “Nanananana-na. You’re never gonna thrill me but you can kiss my a**. So nanananana.”
Excuse me? Did I just hear that correctly? Did you just read that correctly? Yes to both.
Now this rather offensive moment is brought into our homes at all hours of the day, including when some of you might have children at home to learn this catchy little tune. It is just flat out inappropriate. I did not invite it into my house as I do when I put on “South Park” or listen to a Kid Rock Album.
Now, some of you might wonder how I square this outrage with other images that you might find objectionable that I don’t. For instance, in a former column, I defended the right of Paris Hilton to wash a car while eating a burger. Where as I did not dismiss the sexuality of the ad, it also was not placed in the field to purposely flip me the “bow finger,” and it was only presented after the kids went to bed. And if any child did see it, all they would see is a car being washed and a burger being eaten (fun!), and would only gain hysteria if the adults in the room led that charge. And if the kids learn about washing a car that’s fine, free labor! But what will the kids pick up from “Nananananana. You’re never gonna thrill me but you can kiss my a**. So nanananana.” Yep!
We speak often of responsibility of the broadcasters versus the viewers’ freedom to choose to view or not to view those items which are decided by our individual delicacies. But, honestly FOX, does this ad sound to you like a warm welcome to turn on, tune in and spend time? Would you find it offensive if I replied to you in kind instead of by being kind?
In the end, what I invite in is my business but what barges in is done in the name of their business, and frankly this one is not welcome in my home. Is it welcome in yours?

Lloyd E. Flyer is a freelance writer and may be contacted through the “Tolucan Times,” or at

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