Tales from the Heart: Garden Grub


By Wendy Hauptman

With spring here and summer near, my adoring husband and I decided it was time to break out the old garden rakes and tend to our own overgrown and under cared for backyard garden. Truth be told, the two of us are not above “muddying it up” on a nice weekend afternoon! This past Saturday was Extra Special because this was the day we were planning to unload our 9 month old EXTRA LARGE Compost Bin.

Last summer we decided to “Go Green” and invest in a FREE Brand New EXTRA LARGE Compost Bin from the City of Burbank.  (Don’t tell anyone, but we live close enough to Burbank that it didn’t bother us to tell a little white lie in order to score a FREE Brand New EXTRA LARGE Compost Bin, in return for Go Green!)

When we lugged the thing home, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. Did I happen to mention that this was an EXTRA LARGE Compost Bin? We decided that the natural place to store this oversized dumpster was directly in front our Jacuzzi. (No, we weren’t on drugs, it was just a bad first choice.) It took some getting used to the swarm of gnats that constantly hovered around the EXTRA LARGE Compost Bin located directly in front of our Jacuzzi. Not to mention the stench that accompanied the gnats, located directly in front of our Jacuzzi. Needless to say, the Jacuzzi is getting very little use.

Oh, but I digress. Over the past 9 months we have worked diligently in attempting to build our own compost stockpile. The EXTRA LARGE Compost Bin is home to various kitchen scraps (hence the gnats) along with other decomposed organic matter. Our first stab at achieving “top soil perfection” from our EXTRA LARGE Compost Bin was a disaster. The kitchen scraps rotted, but remained whole. As a result, the FREE EXTRA LARGE Compost Bin cost us $60 in garden worms (Mother Nature’s own composters).

We nervously unscrewed the top of the EXTRA LARGE Compost Bin. To our surprise and great relief, the EXTRA LARGE Compost Bin held mounds of extra rich top soil. As we dug down to the bottom of our treasure, we discovered that our EXTRA LARGE Compost Bin held more than just extra rich top soil, it held a maternity ward of worms. Now Anyone who knows Anything about gardening knows that worms are the key to a bountiful harvest. So imagine our enthusiasm when we pulled out the mother-load: EXTRA LARGE 2 inch in diameter white worms.

My adoring husband and I were overwhelmed with fertile excitement. We danced around the backyard, spreading huge piles of compost and fat worms, as if they were our own brand of Miracle Grow Fairy Dust.

“Can you believe WE were able to produce Guinness Book of World Record garden worms in our EXTRA LARGE Compost Bin?” my adoring husband enthusiastically inquired.

“Of course we produced EXTRA LARGE garden worms in our EXTRA LARGE Compost Bin,” I retorted matter-of-factly. (Meanwhile I began envisioning a future full of worm farming.) “I’m going to see if we can sell them online!”

I excitedly typed in “EXTRA LARGE white garden worms” into the AVG search engine.  It ignited a firestorm of links WARNING gardeners on How to Eradicate Grub Worms (the “root eating” parasite). Needless to say, my adoring husband and I spent the remainder of the afternoon on our hands and knees foraging through a backyard full of extra rich top soil, hunting down EXTRA LARGE white garden eaters!

It’s a good thing we had a Jacuzzi to relax in!

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