Two Directors

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I’m meeting Jon and Jordan at Jon’s office in Beverly Hills, trying to make my way through this torrential downpour that’s hit Los Angeles, causing floods in the valley and panicked drivers driving way worse than normal — with all kinds of swerving and weird braking.

“So this is my Back to the Future car and my Clockwork Orange statue.” Jon smirks at me, itches his scruffy facial hair and proudly points, showing off his movie memorabilia while I’m smiling inside, loving the fact that this feature film director is taking the time to film my audition for HBO. He presses a button on the car, which causes the headlights to turn on and a broken radio sound ignites. He loves this. He presses it again. His director friend Jordan McClure arrives. He’s here to help.

This production office is fancy. I’m given Fiji bottled water. There’s leather couches in here and MAC computers with really big screens. Glossy sizeable posters of films Jon’s directed are hung up, framed and placed in the middle of the wall. They’ve got fake plants in corners and ceiling to floor windows. A gigantic black and white “on set” photograph of Alfred Hitchcock’s film Shadow of a Doubt hangs across from Jon’s oversized glass desk with important papers on it.

The guys talk technical talk while I sit in one of the vacant rooms with impressive editing equipment, pacing around and practicing the lines.

AUDITION LINES:

“You’re likeable. My dad loved you; I can tell.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you two were practically going to make out…”

So what’s up with this line? How will I make this work?

I overhear them figuring out a way to use a fancy camera and download it to the computer then to Vimeo then to my agent. If it sounds confusing, it is. I can’t get over how agents ask this task of their clients.

We start to film.

“Here, Alice. This may help. How about using your keys to give you business, and then when he asks you how you feel about him you stop with the business, and hit him with a rejection.”

Jon touches my lower back, itches his scruffy facial hair and says something else I don’t retain because it’s …it’s…it’s…just so hot being directed by a man I’m dating. His friend Jordan who just released his new film reads the lines with me nervously. I can’t help but think: This man directs movies yet he’s standing here — ego aside — reading audition sides with me.

I just keep thinking how cool it is to be directed by two professional directors for a silly audition? It’s quite the change from doing these on tape auditions at my place: crawling over furniture in my cramped studio while my leggy best friend Anna and I try to figure out how to turn the darn camera on.

Jon’s direction helped. A lot. So we’ll see. Now the hard part: Not thinking about getting a callback.

Alice can be reached at AliceActress@yahoo.com

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Tales of a Toluca Lake Actress

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