Donald Trump’s in Asia after complaining he can’t find decent Chinese food in Washington….On his way to Asia, President Trump stopped in Hawaii. He admits he was only looking for a good lei….Nearly half of Americans believe President Trump likely committed a crime. The rest think he should be committed….On Halloween, Donald Trump was walking down the hall of the West Wing today, when an intern said to him “Nice costume!”….Donald Trump also visited a pumpkin patch. I hear his family was happy to see him….Colin Kaepernick was this year’s hottest Halloween costume. Knee pads not included….But I wanna tell you, to scare some kids, I’m went to an Hispanic neighborhood dressed as an ICE agent….Donald Trump says “the system is a joke.” Takes one to know one…. Kim Jong-un visits cosmetics factory with his wife. He finds it’s the only place he can have makeup sex….
A Wisconsin mom is accused of driving minivan with her son and plastic pool tied to the top. She pleaded guilty and was sentenced to two years in Florida…. Man pulls gun in McDonald’s drive-thru when he can’t get a McMuffin. Before cops arrived, employees were finally able to settle him down with a Happy Meal and a toy….And McDonald’s has brought back the McRib sandwich. Perfect timing for those looking to purchase a new yoga mat….BMW recalling one million vehicles in North America. Geez! I’m lucky if I can recall last night’s dinner….American woman wins NYC Marathon for first time in 40 years. And all without asking for directions…Facebook says 146 million Americans may have been reached by Russia campaign. You know, this makes me wonder why Congress hasn’t questioned Sarah Palin? I mean, she had to see this coming …. Matthew McConaughey spends his birthday passing out 4,500 turkeys ahead of Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, they’re the first to own the complete movies of Adam Sandler…..
Howie Fox resides in New York, though his mind can often be found in the gutter. He writes for comedians when not kvetching. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.