As a critic, nothing ticks me off more than lame-brained, inane, poorly-made, idiotic movies. Usually it’s pretty easy for me to write reviews devastating them. For some reason, even though this is as lame-brained, inane, poorly-made, and idiotic as any, I’ve had difficulty actually setting myself to write a critique. But time, it is a-wastin’ and I have to get this out before this movie dies the quick death it deserves.
This is apparently a vehicle for Tracey Morgan to try out his comedy. Bad idea for Tracey, because if this is an example of Morgan’s talent, he’s never going to make it past New Haven.
Morgan and Bruce Willis play cop partners in a movie they couldn’t have made more hackneyed than if they were actually trying. Forgetting for the nonce the theme, mixed-race cop buddies who act like a spoiled married couple, the first scenes show Morgan emulating lots of other action movies like the “Die Hard” series and the “Lethal Weapon” series while interrogating a bad guy. If you survive sitting through this episode, you know you are in for a long 107 minutes. And it doesn’t get any better. If fact, it gets worse, although you wouldn’t think that possible.
This movie has nothing. There’s no plot, something about an old baseball card Willis needs to sell to finance his daughter’s wedding, and it’s stolen, so he and Morgan go out to try to find the miscreant.
Willis’ presence in this movie is a mystery. He’s apparently there to play Abbott to Morgan’s Costello, but Bruce is no Abbott (and Morgan is no Costello, which doesn’t say much because I really didn’t find Bud and Lou that funny, either, except for “Who’s on First” and the Mudder-Fodder sequel).
Off of this outing, Bruce would never have been considered for “Moonlighting,” the series that changed him from a bartender to a movie star. Willis, commenting on the movie, said, “This is a big romp; crazy. It’s high comedy; some of the most outrageous things I’ve ever seen. Warner Bros. gave us an R rating, so we went to town on that.” Well, sorry Bruce, but Warner Bros. doesn’t give ratings, the Motion Picture Association of America does. And it’s disappointing that after three decades in the industry Willis shows such little appreciation for what “high comedy” is. The idea is that one gains knowledge and taste with age and experience. A bartender does, shouldn’t an actor?
The only good thing I can say about this movie is that occasionally there are some Spanish-speaking people and the subtitles are excellent. Too bad they are translating the script by Robb and Mark Cullen.
This is worse than bad. Morgan is a foul-mouthed comic wannabe, so that lets it out for children. The story, script, dialogue, and directing are so awful that they’re an insult to its audience’s intelligence. But what’s to be expected from director Kevin Smith, who counts among his meager credits the deplorable “Zack and Miri Make a Porno” (2008). Frankly, I have been an admirer of Willis. This is very disappointing.