Ask Sandy

Dear Sandy,
My doctor said, if it is at all possible, I should take the summer off from work to get a sense of balance back. I was laid-off after 15 years of employment. I didn’t think this would have had as great an impact on me but surprisingly, it did! I feel betrayed, and almost like I’ve gone through a divorce. Do you foresee it being financially possible to follow my doctor’s suggestion? Or do I need to get back into the job market ASAP?

Thank you,
Louise, Glendale

Dear Louise,
I’m sorry you lost your job. These are extremely difficult times. Your feelings of betrayal are understandable, having been devoted to, and given to, one company for that length of time. The hurt, anger and fear are quite normal. And you are absolutely right, it is a type of divorce, and your situation is exacerbated by the condition or our economy.
Your doctor is correct, you need to give yourself sometime to recharge, deal with your feelings and enjoy life a little. You are not in a good place emotionally to try to take on anything new right now. Your physical energy is low, and a break would do you well.
Financially, just do what you have to right now to get through the summer. You will get back on your feet in about six months. I see a permanent position opening up in September or October, coming through a friend or family member. Give yourself until the middle of August, and then look into doing some part-time work until the permanent position opens up.

Blessings,
Sandy

Dear Sandy,
I’ve been feeling like my mom doesn’t really know me at all. She often suggests things that drive me a bit crazy. I easily feel overwhelmed at this time, and require peace. Do you think my mother likes to push my buttons? Or does she just come from her perspective of what she would do? I often feel that she doesn’t get out of herself enough to understand my needs, which are different from hers. I also fear that she believes that I don’t care for, or love her, because of my current limitations. I appreciate any insights you can offer.

Sincerely,
Wanda, Reseda

Dear Wanda,
It is extremely difficult for any of us to truly experience a situation from another person’s perspective. We normally rely upon our own experience to guide us in understanding and helping others. Your mother does not understand you because the two of you are so different. You are more emotional and sensitive, and she is more practical and detached. Give her the facts, without the emotion, and she will deal with your needs better. Listen to what your mother has to say, and then digest the information. Because you come into a conversation with your emotions, which interfere with your ability to be open and receptive to listening to another’s advice, it is important you not make any comments, or get back into the conversation, until you have processed the information you have been given.
Your mother does not know how to emotionally help you, nor is she intentionally trying to push your buttons. She tries to be available but I sense that she is not feeling well, which makes it more difficult for her to have the ability and the focus to give you what you need. If possible, I would rely on others for emotional support at this time.
As far as your mother feeling that you do not love her, make the effort to call her. Go visit her, and talk with her but keep it about your mother—don’t bring your issues into the conversation. Listen to what she has to say so she knows that you are also receptive to how she feels. Keep in mind that your mother currently has a lot of fear surrounding her health. She needs to know that she has support as well.
With love and light,

Sandy

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