The Bright Side and the Right Side
Today’s letter ties in to a delightful theatre experience I had recently, and I think you’ll see what I mean as you read on:
This is my third letter to you. I know that you must get tons of mail but I truly need your advice. So please, on bended knees, I hope you’ll be able to choose my letter this time.
I saw you, strangely enough, dining at Musso & Frank’s in Hollywood recently but I didn’t have the nerve to go up to your table, and also didn’t want to disturb you.
I’ll repeat my problem to you: I’m a 34-year old woman who’s been married 10 years. I don’t know whether to divorce my husband or not. Tim (not his real name) is really a sportsman, and spends weekends playing golf or horseback riding. He’s tried many times to get me interested in either sport but I’m not interested.
We don’t have children, and that leaves me with nothing to do but sit home and read… and there are only so many books you can read!
I’ve thought so very many times of getting the courage to divorce him but feel foolish going to our lawyer and telling this to him. If he asked me, “Does he provide well for you?” I’d have to say “Yes.” If he asked me, “Have you caught him with another woman or do you suspect he’s been untrue to you?” I would say “No.” Every time I go to the bridal path, he’s there with the “gang” as he calls them—his male friends.
I went into a restaurant one afternoon with a girlfriend, and there was my husband with a couple of his buddies, so I have no reason to think there’s another woman. He’s very attentive to me when he’s home, and he gives me everything I could ask for—including romantically, if you understand.
I love him so very much. Please tell me what I can do. Should I divorce him, and find a man who spends weekends with me? Tim doesn’t really know how lonely I get.
Please answer this, Kenny. Maggie (not my real name)
Please believe me when I tell you that I totally understand your frustration but you are condemning a man who is just a real “man’s man,” as far as sports are concerned.
The other evening, we attended the opening of “Spamalot” at the Ahmanson Theatre. Trust me when I tell you that John O’Hurley and the entire cast were brilliant. I have a suggestion to make: don’t ask your husband to get tickets to see it, you get them for a week in advance, and then tell him your plans. Everyone is talking about this superb musical, and it will do you both good to have many laughs together.
It’s a show no one can help but enjoy. Psychically, I feel you could go one step further, and make reservations for early dinner at the wonderful outdoor restaurant at the Music Center. There, you should talk to, not at, your husband, and explain your concerns.
But I also advise you to take a cue from one of the main songs in “Spamalot.” Its opening lines are “Always look on the bright side of life… Always look on the right side of life.” In other words, instead of noticing what’s wrong in your relationship, look at what’s good in it. Consider the women who truly have marital problems in the form of a cheating husband, a gambling husband, or an abusive husband.
I feel you should join a writing club or art class during the hours your husband is away. Then, during the rest of the time you’re alone, you’ll be glad because it will allow you the chance to pursue your new hobby.
Be happy that the man you love is home as often as he is, and that he’s there for you as much as he is.
Instead of silently holding a grudge about the times he’s away, you need to work to make the times you’re together even more special. Make dates together for at-home dinners where you prepare his favorite dishes, and learn, again, to appreciate the “bright side” and “right side” of your marriage. And to return to the mention of “Spamalot,” naturally it’s your choice whether to go or not but it could give you a wonderful opportunity to laugh together, and turn over a new leaf in your attitude towards your relationship.
Psychically, I feel your marriage is almost one that was made in Heaven.
Write to me again in a few weeks, and tell me if this recipe for happiness has helped you and your husband achieve even greater closeness. I feel it will.
Personally handwrite a letter to Kenny, seal and mail it yourself, then look for his answer in a future issue. Send your question to Kenny Kingston, PO Box 1857, Studio City, CA 91614. For more information on Kenny Kingston, visit www.kennykingston.org.