By Gail E. Moss
(Editor’s Note: This humor column is third in a series.)
Our ponies…sorry…I meant puppies…are eating us out of house and home, literally and figuratively. You already know about their voracious appetite for shoes and items you might find on Oprah’s favorite things list, but they also plow through puppy chow in astonishing amounts.
The vet said they would probably top out at 50 pounds each. But with 50 pounds well in the rear view mirror, I am hoping my little ponies don’t grow into Clydesdales.
All my babies are expensive, so, between the price of no grain, no by-products, high protein puppy food (not sure if it actually contains buffalo or not) and the price of gas, I may have to stop feeding my Baby Girl, a 2016 Harley Super Low, and ride these boys, Jake and Elwood, to work. Walking them is like driving a mule train after all.
Feeding your pets is serious business these days. My neighbor caught me trying to sneak some puppy chow with corn in the house and relentlessly shamed me until I promised to only feed it to my husband.
So now you know their names: Jake and Elwood, The Blues Brothers, because these two growing brothers are on a mission from God to eat everything and anything I can’t keep out of their mouth.
Gail E. Moss is a writer, stand-up comic, wife and mother of twin boys (that are actually dogs). Hailing from Ohio via Florida, she looks super cute riding her Harley motorcycle and is an avid Buckeye fan.