To Serve Tolucans

And so it comes to pass with every column that a decision has to be made. What shall we examine? Those of you who read and email me your comments seem as divided as I am. Some like the social aspect columns, some like the more political columns and some of you like the columns that review the latest military hardware available at discount prices. To that last group, I have forwarded those to the appropriate Pentagon sources, who you meant to contact, and they appreciate your input.
I’ll be honest with you; when I weigh-out all the possibilities, those endless news developments of the day are almost too much to ignore. I mean, I want to discuss with you such crucial things such as how to find the mate of your dreams in the deodorant aisle, why adding steroids to your soup will make you strong like Popeye or even why I find the dog park the place to be if you like to pet dogs. But the news stories just keep coming and coming (like one more reality show that milks its ratings with a results show the next day), and they are all begging for just one more column’s worth of attention in their greed.
I mean, how do you ignore such things as the AIG bonus payoffs? Not just that they happened; who got them, who will correct it or who will hang for it, but who do you have to know to find a job that no matter how much you wreck the paper work, the company, the investors and the planet, you will receive millions for doing so. I mean, cn u magine gittin pade milyuns fo mi callum fo mi spellen erras? Obviously I took the wrong courses in college.
Or how about that 8ctomom? I mean, how do you avoid that story? Now, you may think that Dr. Phil quite literally owns the mom, the kids and the parents like shares of IBM, and he does (common or preferred unknown) but still… how do you resist commenting anyway? I mean, there are now 14 kids running (some crawling) around, so there must be at least one story there that has not been commented on to death. And now that we have gotten an innocent neighborhood involved, the mind boggles with ideas to write about and all of them are equally boring and unimportant.
And speaking of what’s all over the news, who can ignore Moneygate? The bailouts. The dispute over the bailouts. The plans. The dispute over the plans. The partisan posturing. The dispute over partisan posturing. Disputes. And the dispute in Congress over what constitutes a dispute. I mean, wow! If I was a columnist (and I am), there is enough material there to fill a newspaper.
And what about those newspapers?  Used to be when they folded it was to put under your arm.  Now how do you not write about that story?  Once again enough material there to fill a newspaper… If it stays in business due to…  the crisis’s such as AIG and now we are back to their bonuses and who deserves them and who got us into this mess and…
I tell you, it’s enough to divide a country.  Enough to ruin a portfolio.  Enough to make people angry.  Which you would think would be enough to pull all of us together.  Enough to make us all say “enough” and work as one so we all can have enough again.  (Except for 8ctomom. She has enough already).
But it isn’t.  We are just fighting each other.  True we almost had something with the 8ctomom, but then we thought of the children.  No, we need a greater uniter.  Something that will have all of us pulling the country forward again instead of pulling it apart.   What we need is a common enemy that is clearly visible, and clearly the ultimate threat to all of us.  What we need is a good old-fashioned interplanetary invasion.
And if that doesn’t work, then deciding what to write about won’t be a problem.  It will be a recipe for human stew.   Ahhh, back to the social columns.

Lloyd E. Flyer is a freelance writer and may be contacted through the “Tolucan Times” or at Alternateangle@pacbell.net

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